7-21-10

24th Zap today, One more regular zap and then five boosts. They set up the "booster", it is more hi-tech than a wash cloth. It is like a booster seat your kid sits on at the table. The booster sticks out of the machine and gets very close to the area. Which area, I am not exactly sure, they did draw a large bananna shape on me, maybe that is the area.

Today, I just don't give a rat's ass. I am tired.

Rad Onc wants me to have the new bump cut out ASAP, my surgeon's office was calling me as I walked in the door from radiation. This makes me nervous. Big Onc wanted to wait and scan it when I am not radioactive. This makes me nervous.

Rad Onc and Big Onc were supposed to Pow Wow today on the phone. I don't think I get a vote, that makes me nervous.

I think I get nervous when I don't know what worst case scenario is. Let's assume it is cancer, can I do more chemo or am I maxed out? Since Big Onc thinks it is probably nothing, we didn't discuss the what-ifs.

I have a feeling that Rad Onc thinks that it is something, although he flip flops. I don't think he believes it is scar tissue if he wants surgery ASAP.

I am tired, burned out, burned up.