Thursday, May 12, 2011


I do not have cancer anymore.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


I had a PET scan Friday and today will get the results.

If I have more cancer, then I will do all that shit again.

If I don't have more cancer, I have reconstruction surgery scheduled for July 15th. So I will do different shit! It is a real pain in the back (literally) surgery, no easy boob job for me. They rip the muscle from your back, whip it around front and make a boob hammock out of it. Then, they do the expander and fill you up week after week to stretch you out for the implant.

I feel very wrong for putting myself and my family through that. I feel like I will need to get that straight in my head prior to surgery. I don't want to go under the knife already feeling regret and guilt.

Do I deserve boobs? I will take time off from work, stress out my kids, need help from family just to get a new boob (and to perk up the old one to match). Do we have a right to boobs???

Am I just trying to psyche myself out?