4-22-10

I slept through the night last night, did not get out of bed at all. I guess exhaustion has finally taken over, woo hoo!

Chemo #10 down, 2 more to go. Echo coming up next week to make sure my ticker is still ticking correctly. I will have another PET scan in a month or so to see if I still have cancer floating around. And radiation will start next month, sometime. I still have no info on who will be in charge of the frying portion of the program.

I think I can pick up my lymphedema sleeve today, looking forward to having that so I can do my yard work without worrying so much about my arm swelling. I am looking at lighter weed eaters, maybe without the pull cord starter, something wimpy that I can use. I love my big bad ass weedeater, but I shouldn't try to use it, the weight and vibration may set off the swelling.

At this point, I do not have lymphedema in my arm, just in my trunk. So when I do too much, my armpit swells and the area on the side of my chest swells. I have been doing my massage to keep the fluid moving, so far, so good. But, moderation is not my strong suit, asking for help is not my strong suit.

Will I learn to ignore yard work or will I learn to ask for help or will I learn to live with being puffy if I don't do either... update later.

Good arm is quite tingly, neuropathy is spreading but not getting more concentrated. I can still button stuff and have not dropped anything. My feet are getting a little numb, but I think I am doing well enough to finish the chemo.

Man, I needed that sleep. Just yesterday, I was getting very frustrated with the fatigue level. I was thinking about how bad it would feel if this was my energy level from here on out. Today, I am good to go, finish the last two chemos and have hope that I will feel better after that. Well, except for the radiation fry...

Small confession... I am hesitant to celebrate the end of chemo, with lemon cake or anything else. My feeling is that this will not be the end. I am 41 years old, this is going to come back at some point. It feels like celebrating under false pretenses. But, I should stop being so pessimistic, celebrate the end of this phase and let my family have their cake.

I did put new tires on my 18 year old car yesterday, that was optimistic of me. That I will be around long enough to justify the expense, or that my car will be around long enough to justify the expense. I even sprang for new windshield wipers, how exciting!