8-8-10

Radiation is finished and my skin is healing pretty well. I have a lovely area of burnt, crusty flesh that I have to slap myself to keep from picking. Everything on that side is tight. When I raise my arm, it feels like I am ripping muscle off the ribs.

But, it is getting better quickly.

Saw Big Onc, he said I will still be cooking for six weeks. If the new bump (Clyde) is cancer, we are cooking it. I can't scan for 3-4 months as everything would glow right now. So, I will stay in 9/21/09 mindset, the day before I received the initial biopsy results. But I am not quite as stressed as I was on 9/21. On 9/21, I was full of fear. Today, I am not full of fear, just mild anxiety. Been there, done that, can do it again if needed.

I do refuse to spend the next three months freaked out about the "maybe-s".

As much as I want to smack people when they say this, I am going to say it (and then duck), "It is what it is".

I would like to know what the hell it is, though. Patience, patience...

By the time I scan again, it could be gone and we may never know. Why is it so important to know if Clyde is cancer, wouldn't it be more important to know that it is gone? That is what everything thinks. In my mind, it causes me concern that my cancer has no respect for authority and will grow despite being chemo-ed and radiated. That scares me, a tumor that grows after treatment is one thing, a tumor that grows during treatment is another.

I typed threatment, threat ment, ha ha. What if Clyde is just laughing at my threats like a smart ass teenager. Do they make military school for tumors?