Sunday, September 27, 2009


My right breast and I have four days left together. I will have a mastectomy on Friday 10/2. Everything has happened pretty quickly, with lumps, doctors, drills and diagnoses. We don't have alot of info, but what we do know is that I have cancer in my breast, IDC, invasive ductal carcinoma. How invansive remains to be seen. I will know more after the surgery.

Today, a good friend assisted me in making a plaster cast of my torso. It is not a great looking torso, but it is mine and it will never look like this again.
After it has dried well, I will sand it and paint it. I don't know whether to paint the tumor area on it or paint it as it was during happier times.
Frankly, it is all overwhelming, my brain deals with small chucks at a time.

Today I kept replaying that line from "Silence of the Lambs", where the bad guy is saying something about "It applies the lotion to its skin". I guess I was thinking about post mastectomy skin care in prep for reconstruction in the future.

I think I may have developed an unhealthy detachment from my breast. I have trouble saying "I have cancer", I tend to say "It is cancer", like it's the boob's problem, not mine. Get rid of the boob and the problem is gone.

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