9-10-10

Nothing is going on, but I feel the limbo starting to fade. I guess I am moving on and I will find out what the chapter is. Clyde is still there, I see surgeon in a week. Clyde feels different, I am not sure they can cut it out, but it is still red and very much there.

I am participating in a fashion show to raise money for a local cancer program. It is a silly thing that is very out of character for me, but maybe that is why I am doing it. Maybe there is a new character in me coming out. They have called the show "Heroes in Heels" which I find stupid, almost insulting. If I saved a kid from a burning building in stilettos, now that would be something. All I did was get cancer and go to a bunch of appointments and I am pretty sure I never wore heels doing it. Wait, I did go to one birthday party in a pair of clog type shoes during chemo, very unsteady on my feet in a Japanese restaurant with slick floors. It rained and I didn't mind going to get the car since I was bald and had no hair to get messed up.

My shoulder is a little weird, not the joint but the surrounding tissue. The rads fried it all pretty good. It just feels thick and tight in there.

I went on a date, I let him poke my port on the first date. I thought I would try to slowly introduce him to the weirdness that is my body now. My port is my little chemo access button in case you were confused, get your mind out of the gutter!

So next week I have silly fashion show, my IV treatment and the surgeon. I will admit it was a little fun having someone dress me in what is actually in style. They will do my make-up and all that girly stuff (but I won't admit that I like it).

I have also signed the kids up for a support group, but I haven't told them yet. They will moan and groan and grumble. I may end up having to pay them to try it out. I do feel like they need to debrief about this cancer crap. They may have some things that they don't want to say to me. They have said I was nicer during chemo and that they didn't mind having a mom that napped a lot. Motivated Mom seems to be less fun for them.