2-22-11

I went to the eye doctor guy to get an new scrip for glasses as mine were about eight years old. He said my pressure in one eye was alarmingly high and suggested I see an opthalmologist to check for glaucoma. I immediately assume brain tumor as how unlucky could I be to have cancer and glaucoma.

I followed up with the opthalmologist and was diagnosed with ocular hypertension, the precursor to glaucoma. Thankfully, there has not been damage to my optic nerve and they have started me on glaucoma meds to prevent further problems. Unfortunately, it is not the fun smoke-able glaucoma meds they joke about on TV.

On the positive side, I am going to assume that the eyeball thing is what has caused my weird head feeling that I have had for the past 6 weeks or so. I put in my new glaucoma drops last night assuming that I would wake up without a headache. It kind of worked, I am not as fuzzy feeling. Maybe the meds, maybe the power of suggestion...

I am also wondering if I am allowing myself to feel like crap to ward of the big bad shit. When I was diagnosed, I had finally started giving a damn, losing weight, working out, thinking about some long term plans. Then, the big C hit. This winter, it seems that I tried to start feeling a little positive, getting back into the grove and ended up in the hospital.

Maybe, I am subconsciously staying blah since that seems to keep me under the radar and away from the shitty stuff. Stay miserable and you won't notice when the shit hits the fan...yeah, that is great logic.

I still haven't made an appointment with the therapist!