5-19-10

I got a little pissed off last night. I washed my face and more eyebrows fell out. With my swollen face and no eyebrows, I now closely resemble Aaahnold in Terminator during the eyeball plucking scene. Did you ever notice how strange he looked with the movie make-up during that scene? It was the lack of eyebrows that made him look so fake.

So I went to bed, doing my lymphatic drainage and I am noticing a weirdness under my involved side armpit. I am thinking lymph node but am not quite sure if I have any left on that side. Hopefully, it is just a blob of scar tissue from where they ripped the lymph nodes out on that side.

Scan coming up, I will find out soon enough. Do I think positive and take a chance being dissapointed? Do I assume the worst and hope for relief from results. What if I assume the worst, be nervous for the next week, the worst is confirmed and then I have wasted a week of being perky and optimistic. (Perky is a little joke, I don't do perky).

This all goes back to that making your own reality thing, the powers of self delusion. I have to decide what my reality is today, which is, that I have finished six months of chemo, there is no reason to believe that I am in worse shape than I was before. The first chemo made a positive change, I will assume the second recipe did the same.

Crap... I thought my scan was next week, it is in two weeks, time crawls when you are waiting for important stuff. Two weeks, that is too long to be stressed, so I am choosing the ignorance is bliss path, for now.