Monday, October 18, 2010


I am in a very crappy mood today, just angry, pissed off and tired of all this crap.

First off, my morning TV line-up has changed so I have been watching "The View"....probably my mistake, I should know better. So today, Sherri and Elizabeth get mammograms. It is Elizabeth's first and Sherri's first in many years. Watching them whine about the pressure, the squeezing, the smooshing of the mammo just really pissed me off. If you can't handle 3 seconds of smoosh every couple of years (or whatever the CDC is recommending now), why even bother getting a mammo since IF you have cancer, three seconds of smoosh will be a freaking walk in the park.

I am NOT saying don't get your mammo's, but please...please can we put this in perspective ladies. "I had to get a mammo and it squished me" wahhh wahh f*cking wahhh. It does not even register on the crappy day meter once you have had the bad mammogram and all the ensuing shit that goes with it.

Suck it up, it is not about saving the boobs, squishing the boobs, getting new perky boobs....woman are dying. Your squishy little test is like a paper cut. BUT, there are people out there whose paper cut turned into gangrene, their hand fell off and it led to a systemic blood infection that killed them.

(Man, I will be glad when Pinktober is over).

Secondly, I have a pain in my neck (unrelated to my morning TV problem). It has been bothering me for several days. My mind quickly goes to mets, cancer working it's way up to my brain. Sure, it could be muscle, sinus, teeth grinding, slept funny...but it could be something really bad.

Even if it is nothing, it pisses me off that everything registers as 'tumor' in my mind. It is a crappy way to live, waiting for the next shoe to drop. Clyde is still there, still don't know what the hell it is. My armpit has an odd tremor in it, a weird tick thing.

I did get two weeks without imagining any tumors. That was nice. I think I have just enough info to be dangerous. I know muscle strain, I work in Physical Therapy. This doesn't feel like muscle strain. I see the Oncologist in a week and a half anyway. I'll just set is aside and bring it up then if it is still around. That seems to be the cancer rule, symptoms that last longer than two weeks are note worthy.

Maybe I was unfair to the whiny View chicks, but it felt good to direct my anger somewhere.

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