11-1-10

Pinktober is OVER!!! Yeah!

I am contemplating two issues: whether to have the PET scan and whether to do the reconstruction. So I will lay my thoughts out here and see if I can get a clear picture.

Re: PET scan

I have not been declared cancer free but I am in a good mental space with that. If I were finally declared cancer free, would I stop worrying...probably not. If I were declared stable or no change in the chest spot, would that change anything...I may feel frustrated that I don't have a clear answer. If something new lights up...well that would suck.

I guess the sticking point is that damn area in the chest. I swear the doc said that it was consitant with surgical changes but it seems odd that it showed up well after the surgery. I had scans in between surgery and the weird spot that no weirdness showed up.

If it has always been there, I could assume surgical changes but it wasn't mentioned at my prechemo scan.

I guess the prudent thing to do would be get the report on all my scans and pretend like I know what I am reading to see what they have said. Ha ha, or I could trust the Big Onc and is judgement. I have no symptoms, I could just let this good mental space continue.

It is all a mental game anyway. My reality is good right now, why muck that up with the facts.

Re: recon

Again, I am in a good space, why mess it up. I could live like this forever. I am scared that I would get really bad results and regret the loss of muscle. If it came out cosmetically bad, I could always have it cut back off. BUT, I do not think they could reconnect the muscle. The plastic surgeon said that he would lift droopy boob and make new boob to match. Gravity would still affect old boob and over time it would start drooping again and I would want it relifted. And, since I am so young, at some point I would need the implant switched out. (It is nice that I may have a longer shelf life than the implant, outlive the implant could be my new goal.)

But, I can stop mentally masturbating about the recon if I want to, I can't have it done until after the first of the year due to the radiation. After the first, I could see what my finances are like, see if I can afford to take time off work.

I also don't have to do anything about the scan, ignorance can be bliss.