11-1-10

I have just been blah today, maybe coming off a chocolate high from the kids' Halloween haul. I received an email about a little "class", lecture, meeting thingee at the YMCA Breast Cancer group about depression after cancer. Since I had just woken up from an odd nap, I thought, "Maybe I am depressed, I should go to this meeting."

The speaker gave a nice talk called "Pink Mourning", (gag gag). His take on things didn't bother me, I came away with some little nuggets that may come in handy. But man, I hate this freaking pink shit! The leader of the group in very pink, perky AND pink. She is very Rah Rah, let's all beat cancer and be all perky and happy. The lady in front of me was bummed since she is getting ready to start another round of chemo, she is in permenant treatment mode, I assume she has mets.

Sometimes, there is not a need for the pink pom-poms. Sometimes a hug and a "that really sucks" is more helpful.

I think I keep trying to embrace the pink since it bothers me so much, I figure there must be some issue I need to resolve. I am not a sorority kinda gal, I just never had female friends, maybe I should find a testicular cancer group.

But I will keep knocking on those pink doors, there has to be a group of grumpy ladies out there that I will fit in with.

Oh, I called PET scan place, they won't send me the scan reports. You would think that since I signed the release, I should be able to get them released to me....assholes. But, I called Onc's and they will send me reports so I can compare and contrast before next IV.

So that is my plan, look at scans reports, see what weirdness they are following and whether it sounds like they all think they are surgical changes (like did they show up immediately after surgery or did the weirdness show up on a later scan). I don't claim to know more than any doctor, but Onc didn't recall the location of the weirdness and whether it was in the same spot as Clyde. So he can review, I will review and we can make a plan.