3-17-10

It is past 3:00 AM and I can't sleep.

But I just came across this article that I liked, so I am linking it here:
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/15/with-cancer-lets-face-it-words-are-inadequate/%22

The author wrote about that cancer verbiage; battle, survivor, brave, etc.

This article moved me since I have had these discussions with my friends and family. My daughter hates the term 'survivor' as she doesn't want to think of the alternative. But a 'survivor' friend of mine refers to herself as such quite readily. A patient of mine asked if I was a cancer survivor and I answered "So far". In my opinion, the only was I can say I survived cancer is when I die of something else. Maybe I just feel that was since I am still toting around cancer. We are co-existing.

I also don't love 'brave'. I don't feel brave, I just show up. The alternative is to hide in the closet and that wouldn't be a good idea.

I don't want my obituary to say 'lost battle with cancer'. If it gets me, I hope it is not because it beat me, I just chose to find a new roommate. Maybe 'chose' is not the right word, but if this disease progresses, than this real estate that is my body may become inhabitable. So my 'leaving' this real estate would be seen as a good thing. Maybe I should have "Movin' On Up" from The Jeffersons played at my memorial service.

Well we're movin on up,
To the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up,
To the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie