10-3-10

One year ago today, I woke up in the hospital after having my breast amputated. That was supposed to be the end of this, catch it before it spreads. The surgeon came to my room, sat down and told me that it had spread. It seemed that every time someone looked at me, my cancer got worse. By the time the scans and cutting were over, I was classified as a stage IIIC.

So much has changed in this year. I have been through so many physical, emotional, financial changes.

Last evening, I spent time with a special man. I have not dated during my cancer treatment year... low white blood cells, baldness, radiation burns. Having a maimed chest made me very hesitant, I can't imagine what that looks like to an outsider.

I feel rather lucky. Had I been married to a man during diagnoses, he might have felt stuck with me so he wouldn't be labeled as the dick that left his wife when she had cancer. To meet someone who accepts me, my body, my fuzzy head, my diagnosis and the uncertainty that brings...that is pretty special. Special and scary, but I have faced cancer head on, I shouldn't be scared of a little relationship situation.

Fearless living...fearless loving....fearless giving, not a bad way to live.