12-10-09

Let's see, today is Thursday, correct? I had chemo on Monday, nothing new, Onc says we'll scan after the 4th treatment to see what my subpectoral lymph node is doing. I did ask him specifically where this lymph node is as I need to be doing scar tissue massage and I don't want to be massaging my cancer making it all cozy and feeling "at home". Luckily, it is still in the armpit area which makes me feel better that it has not migrated across my chest. So another PET scan in 6 weeks or so.

Then I will do 12 weekly infusions of some other posion depending on what study arm I am put in. I am a cancer guinea pig and will participate in a study to check a stage 4 drug to see if it protects the brains of stage 3s. I like my brain, so if I can protect it from cancer, that would be nice. Boobless, bald and brain tumored would really stink.

Tuesday was an OK day, felt alright and then Wednesday, like clockwork, the bottom feel out. The bottom of my energy level, that is. The bottom of MY bottom, that is another sad story all together. Sadly, my morning cardio routine now consists of straining for 1/2 an hour to push out little gravel poops. I am not happy.

Today is Thursday, I was worse than last post chemo Thursday. Luckily, my big sister came over and stayed with me to pick up my slack. I had the three year old I babysit here, she saw the bald head for the first time. She said "Nina, you have NO hairs on your head", she changed my hat and then she was cool with it.

My sister and kids put up the tree. I made a conscience effort to NOT do the "This might be my last Christmas tree so I must make good memories". I figured if I didn't make good memories, then it wouldn't be my last Christmas, see how that logic works?

I just watched the Muppets sing with Andrea Bocelli, that was a good memory. Making memories and making poopies...new goals.