10-29-10

I had my Herceptin IV yesterday. My blood work looks great, normal people normal instead of cancer people normal. Big Onc asked me about a PET scan, did I want one or not. Honestly, I had mentally planned on being scanned in November and I told him that. I am still hoping that I can be offically declared cancer free one day.

He OK'd the scan and laid out the possible results.
1. The chest area lights up more or the same: he will blame this on radiation and not cancer growth.

2. Nothing lights up and that will be great.

3. He didn't say it, but there is the possibility that something new would light up and that would be bad.

So, it seems that he is not willing to entertain that anything bad could be happening in there.

I could put off the scan for a little while, just ride this mental train for a bit. The train that says I am OK and able to make plans and do things like normal people. If I can believe that without a scan, that is good. A scan may prove that...but a scan could also leave the black cloud over me.

It is all a mind game.

Then, I went to the new plastic surgeon for a consult. He said the same thing as the first one. There is no way I can just have an implant stuck in there, my radiated, crunchy issue just won't support it. They have to bring in a fresh blood supply from somewhere. This guy does the Lat flap from the back.

I liked the Doc, he spent 45 minutes talking to me during the exam, answered all my questions. He had an odd take on the cancer thing. I was saying that I was waiting for a clean scan, make sure I wasn't going to die soon before thinking about a new boob. He said, "Oh, you will get a clean scan, no doubt. You just don't know how long it will stay that way." Hmmm, gotta love that brutal honesty.

So, now I feel confident that ripping a muscle off my back to make a boob is my only option. Doc says unless I am a golfer or swimmer, I won't notice a functional deficit.

Decisions, decisions.... I hope I can talk to someone who has had this done, I just have a hard time believing that you don't miss that big ole muscle.