Friday, January 15, 2010


Yesterday I did a photo shoot bald and boobless. It is part of my process of dealing with who I am during this phase of my life. I took my plaster cast of my precancer boobs as a prop for the shoot. My kids had never seen the cast before. They saw it last night.

They think I am a freak. It hurt my feelings. My 10yo DD is confused by how I am dealing with this. I think she even said I seem to be enjoying cancer. That hurt, bad. I explained that I am not enjoying this but it is my life right now and I am going to experience it. I will not curl up in the fetal position wishing this away, it won't work.

I woke up still very bummed that my kids think I am a freak. I phoned a friend, dumped my emotional load on him. By the end of the conversation, it became clear to me that this might not be a cancer issue. She is 10, of course she thinks her Mom is an embarrassing freak, it is what 10yo are supposed to think.

They don't know that I bared my scars in the pictures, they think it was just about being bald. I won't show them the pics, they would need too much therapy.

They have never seen my scars, they never saw my boobs, they don't need to see the absence of boobage.

My boob cast is back in the closet where it has been, this whole conversation could have been avoided by a strategically placed trash bag. Live and learn.

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