Thursday, November 19, 2009


Yesterday was a bad day, and I am nervous about labeling something as "bad" because my definition of "bad" is as fluid as everything else is my life right now. I am hoping that my definition of "bad" will hold and that today doesn't teach me a new word.

Other than feeling like I have been run over by a truck, I am also having some anxiety about the irreversibility of what has happened. Along with all kinds of cells dying off in my body, my denial seems to be dying, little denial cells shriveling up and sloughing off.

I am pissed off for my kids, this is a crappy childhood experience for them. I am worried about who they will be when this is over. Being a divorced mom, there is not another grown up to pick up my slack. I did call for back up from a friend yesterday, but the kids get tired of other adults in the house trying to "parent" them. They want to handle it, the want me to handle it, they want there to be nothing to handle.

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