Monday, November 23, 2009


Purty good weekend, if I do say so myself. Saturday night, my Mom and I saw Mannheim Steamroller. You know how when you are pregnant, you always look around for other pregnant people. As it was my first time in a crowd since chemo started, I found myself looking for other cancer patients. Ooops, that was almost admitting I am a cancer patient, gotta watch out for that. One of my patients asked me this weekend, "I heard you had been sick", I said, "Just a head cold, getting better". Not a healthy delusion... I get that I have cancer, I am completely comfortable discussing it with people who know, I just don't feel compelled to tell "new" people.

I guess next week, I will be bald and the jig will be up...

I have developed a sensitivity to motion sickness, it was the first time in a car since chemo, had to stop for saltines and a barf bag. But no pukey, crossing fingers. Even the video screen at the concert made me queasy, I just keep praying "Don't let me puke during the show". I was in the middle of the aisle and I knew there would be no way to make a quick exit. So I was prepared to blow chunks into my coat and then make a graceful exit. But, no pukey!

Woke up this morning, waxing philosophical. Played around in my head for awhile. Thought about living with and without fear. Man, I used to have alot of fear. Now, not so much. So I was feeling all cocky thinking about the freedom from fear. Decided to check my bank balance and it hit me as I hit 'submit', fear...guess I haven't evolved as much as I thought. But the balance was OK, back to living a fear free day!

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