10-12-09

On the physical front, arm feeling better but still swelling. I called docto on a Sunday (GASP, so you know I was hurting) and I will go in this morning to see if they need to draw some crud out.

On the mental front, interesting night last night. There are a couple of people that I have severed relationships with PRE cancer. I decided they weren't the kind of people I wanted in my life and this was before all this cancer crap started.

So I have this "Twilight Zone" moment when they are BOTH in my house at the SAME time. And they are chatting all chummy like (and these are two people who haven't said a nice thing about each other in years!)

Now, maybe I am wrong, but MY CANCER does not give you a "get out of a$$hole jail" free card. Just because I may be sick does not mean all the crappy stuff you have been doing to me doesn't matter.

I had to go outside and "phone a friend". I feel as long as I am paying my mortgage, I still get to be the boss of my house, why the heck did they think that would be OK. Disclaimer: one is my sister and I know my Mom hates that we have become distant so she sorta set that one up. I can't be mad at my Mom, I know where her heart is.

Maybe my diagnoses made people think I would forgive and forget. Frankly, I have forgiven and moved on and don't want jerks in my life. Perhaps my diagnoses should prompt people to ask for forgiveness or at least admit they scewed up. But the theory seems to be "She's dying so all that mean stuff I did, doesn't matter anymore".

Yeah, it matters.

To show what a big deal this was, it really upset my 10yo DD, when she saw these two people in my house being all chummy, she was really convinced that I must be dying.

So to my sister and my ex-husband: I love you both, I have forgiven you, but you both are still acting like people that I don't want around me. So go forth and prosper, but don't hang around my house. Only nice people who truly give a crap get to see me right now.