Sunday, October 25, 2009


Didn't sleep well last night, maybe because I was a couch potato all day yesterday, maybe because I couldn't stop thinking.

Pondering the "realistic" vs "thinking positive". Do I think positive and assume I will be here for years and years. Do I assume I have plenty of time to give my kids a perfect Christmas, to clean out my filing cabinets, to buy a motorcycle... Or do I think more realistic and get my files in order so someone can find stuff after my demise.

Can I say I am "thinking positive" so I have an excuse to NOT clean my filing cabinets and closets??

I am worried about Christmas, money is going to be tighter than I had planned. I could use credit cards but if thinking positive works, that would screw up my get out of debt plan.

On the physical "front", the weeping is slowing down, hopefully the antibioics are working. The sandpaper armpit feeling is slowly getting better. I still catch myself holding my arm funny. I have considered binding my left arm to force me to use the right arm more. When I try to raise my right arm, my chest just doesn't feel stable enough to hold it up. I asked the surgeon if anything bad happened to my pec, he said "No, I just ripped a boob off of it", or something to that effect. I like my surgeon. He tells it like it is.

Not looking forward to putting the port in, that will be three times I will have been put to sleep in less than six weeks. That can't be good for your brain cells.

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